Stop

Stop damnit I said stop staring at me dim the lights the mood in crude and vulgar reality my shower washes nothing from a naked soul no delight when it’s disgust I see while you judge me my friend I only trust your criticisms raise your own arms I need mine by my side and wait what about my weight you think you are so god damn perfect these markings are what make me the way I am and in the way I am I’m way ahead of them in the way I am when I’m beautiful in my ugly and my curves turn gay straight on until morning for moments of pretty raw pink I think I’ll spread more splatter more and make my abs flatter more if you think ink covers up stains you’re wrong stop leaving dishes where my heart sinks I glance back to the mirror in the face of my mind’s eye and in time the voyage will finally be over oh it’s over a vagina as always and a victory for seem-less pricks but women are not glass to shatter to splatter my silence as I have said before there’s no fun in pretending which is why I don’t even wear glasses except in sun and sometimes like that song at night I wear less of a mask but my skin burns and we take turns touching pink and it covers old scars and makes it easier to think about the pleasure you once brought but that is why I raise my chin like the bar I judge more than me now and learned from you how easy disapproval sets in when the verdict the judge the jury is inside my mind do you mind this is mine this is the mind I mind of my own worst friend best enemy and again my sole companion my soul’s companion again with a shit comparison but it makes sense to me and they take cents from me for a third time I see me for the first time I looked elsewhere than the windows to my soul and instead of my eyes I raised heavy legs and tossed my arms to the side so you could have your way with me as if you were there you’re never there never really behind me but now that you’re behind me and to the mirror no longer on the wall seven years is easy if there’s more of the same I’ll take bad luck and only me to blame smashing senselessness with senses so acute that I can stand in the nude and no longer feel judged by you or by me besides what’s inside me is the way I am and in the way I am I’m way ahead of them so stop damnit i said stop.